


Ripples in Water

by Shadow_crawler



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Fluff, Grieving, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mention of Character Death, does this count as alternate John Sheppard?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 10:00:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15861378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_crawler/pseuds/Shadow_crawler
Summary: Just when things seem like they're getting normal, fate throws a stone in the pond.





	Ripples in Water

**Author's Note:**

> A what if that got a bit angsty, sorry about that.  
> (I edited this super early in the morning please ignore any mistakes.)

They’d already told him what had happened, that there was some machine they’d fiddled with and it had brought a person from another dimension instead of clean energy and now said person was stuck here until they fixed the machine again. Didn’t mean Todd was prepared when he heard the voice behind him.

He flinched involuntarily, as if the voice was grating, and half turned to look before his better sense could stop him. The other man looked exactly the same, acted the same. John, not his John, was grinning at something Ronon had said, holding himself with a cocky confidence someone from an alternate dimension really shouldn’t have. He looked away from Ronon, around the rest of the lab, and when his eyes fell on Todd, his smile disappeared and he gaped as he stared.

Todd held his gaze for a moment then turned away, back to his work, pushing aside the sharp pain in his chest in order to focus. It was intricate coding, something he couldn’t let his mind drift on. Yet, he plucked away slowly at the keys, intensely aware of every movement of the new John up until he left and by then Todd was so tense his shoulders were aching. He waited a few more minutes then shut down his Lantean computer and swept out of the room.

^^^^^^^^^^

John stopped short in his tracks when the doors swished open and there was already someone on the balcony. It was too late, he’d noticed with a slight tilt of his head. John could just leave but he was curious and maybe a bit heart broken so he stepped out and leaned on the railing as far away from Todd as he could get without being suspicious.

“Leave.” Todd growled, looking down the far drop to the ground below. “You are not welcome here.”

“Guess this was your favorite spot too.” John said instead, swishing the beer around his bottle. He’d been briefed, somewhat, but there were still holes in what had happened. “He died saving Atlantis, didn’t he.”

Todd didn’t reply, just looked out at the water, so John kept going. “How I know I’ll die.” He gave a bitter laugh. “Can’t do this forever right?”

Still nothing. Apparently all Todds has mastered the cold shoulder. “Were you two…?” Silence. Not even a twitch. John glanced back at the door, checking that no one was listening in. “Me and him too. Except, my Todd died so,” he sighed, “this isn’t easy for me either.”

That earned a look from the wraith but he still didn’t say anything. John kept going, it had always been strangely easy to talk to Todd, even if this wasn’t his Todd. “Died protecting his own. Which was apparently strange for a wraith but definitely got him a kick ass funeral from us.

“You’re having the same problem as me, aren’t you. I look like him, act like him, but I’m not. Different memories, different experiences, sure if we actually compared, probably different childhood and career path and history.” John hung his head finally, almost dropping his half full beer. “You look exactly like how he did the day he died. And what’s worse is there was no warning, it was the same as any other day except he…didn’t come back. I still feel like, maybe, somehow, he’s still out there, stranded or captured. Can’t help looking for him when we go out, as if he’ll walk out from the trees while we’re discussing trade with some people. Bedraggled and-“

Todd pushed away from the railing and left. John watched the door shut behind him and suddenly realized his legs weren’t going to hold him anymore and he slid down with his back to the balcony. He looked down at his beer and intensely wished he had more.

^^^^^^^^^^

“Damn it.” Todd growled, throwing his legs off the bed and sitting up to rub his face. He never closed the connection, never had time nor a reason. But now this alternate John was leaking into his head like his used to, his dreams and thoughts feeding his own. It brought back painful, buried memories of laying with his John, drinking in his scent, watching him asleep and peaceful in his arms, poking at his dreams like a small movie screen, watching the stuff a human subconscious comes up with.

He looked out the window, one of the two moons was high and full in the sky, the sky hadn’t begun to lighten yet. Todd swung on his coat as he walked to the door and out into the hallway. He needed to get out, needed to get away from that mind to clear his head.

Yet he hesitated. One way would take him out, down the halls and stairs of Atlantis, maybe outside, maybe to the opposite side of the city, maybe to his lab so he could work until fatigue drug him into a mindless state. The other would take him to the one thing his heart had longed for for almost a year, a second chance, a way to say goodbye properly, to possibly hold his happiness in his arms again and be free of this hole inside him, even for a little bit.

He knew the door would open automatically to him yet it felt wrong. The entire city felt so alien all of a sudden, like it wasn’t the same. Something had subtly shifted and he was a stranger among enemies again, needing to prove himself at every turn, watch his every move to avoid getting shot, keep his temper and tongue in check. There’d been one place in this city he could relax, let go of the persona, be himself without worrying for his survival.

John was sitting on the bed with his back to the door. There was no way he could have missed the door opening and closing yet he didn’t turn around. The room had none of his personal memorabilia, even his scent had disappeared with disuse, yet Todd could still see the scratches in the wall where he’d dug his claws on as he slipped on the board with wheels John liked, the scuff on the corner of the nightstand where John’s guitar case had slipped and John had thrown everything he was holding to dive and catch it, the dent in the foot of the bed frame where he’d kicked it and practically broken his toe.

John’s smile, the carefree, genuine, happy one he’d rarely flash, the one that never ceased to warm Todd’s heart, making his knees weak, make his fingers twitch to cup that face and kiss it, flashed in front of Todd’s eyes and he took a shaky breath, calming his racing heart.

The other John did look up as Todd rounded the bed but said nothing as he grabbed his collar in one hand and leaned down to kiss him. John reciprocated immediately and Todd slowly kneeled between John’s legs, resting his other hand on his thigh.

John leaned forward to follow Todd as he backed up. Todd’s eyes flickered between John’s lips and his eyes and he said, “One night. One night only.”

“Deal.” John said, bunching his hands in the material on Todd’s shoulders to pull him up and kiss him again as John laid back. Todd crawled over him and it was like fitting a missing puzzle piece back into his life, one that had been impossible to replace.

^^^^^^^^^^

One night had become many nights until they started foregoing starting off in separate beds altogether. John’s head was pillowed on Todd’s arm and Todd was watching him lazily trace the tattoos adorning Todd’s skin, the ones that didn’t disappear under the sheets bunched around their hips. Occasionally, John would pause long enough to reach up for a kiss, to which Todd’s purr would rumble louder and stronger again, like rekindling a fire, then go back to dancing his finger over Todd’s chest, stomach, and side.

“The machine is almost fixed.” John said, suddenly very interested in a rather simple design on Todd’s side, just over his ribs.

“I know.” Todd murmured, pressing his face into John’s hair.

“I need to go back.”

“I know.”

“What if you came with me?”

“I have people here.”

“Then…what if I stayed.”

“You have people there.”

“We could keep the machine working so we could go back and forth.”

“No. That won’t work long term. A hole in space or whatever Dr. Mckay had been spouting.”

John sighed, his breath tickling Todd’s skin. “I know.” He moved on to the next tattoo. “Right as Atlantis starts to accept us, fate has other plans.”

Todd nudged his forehead until John looked up then kissed him properly. “I do not regret these few nights, even if it makes leaving more difficult.”

“Neither do I.”

^^^^^^^^^^

It was hard for either of them to let go but the swirling whirlpool stood open and Atlantis personnel around it, waiting. John locked his jaw, memorizing Todd’s eyes once more, before turning away to walk through. Todd waited until he was gone, until there was no way he would be coming back, then took his own leave, not waiting to see if the machine shut down properly this time or if it overloaded or exploded and ripped a hole in space time. 

There was no use dwelling on what couldn’t be, his mind said, even if his heart told him otherwise.


End file.
